


Such Deliberate Disguises

by Jesse_Tee



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Hint of M/M, M/M, Rating: M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 13:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10491909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jesse_Tee/pseuds/Jesse_Tee
Summary: A look into the minds of three very frustrated men. Not entirely consistent with the canon timeline but oh well. Who's fussed about such minutiae?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I own NO ONE depicted in these fics. I am not endorsed by any person, corporation, etc., nor do I receive any monies for writing sick and twisted tales of their imagined goings-on. Title & verses come from by "The Hollow Men" by T.S. Eliot. Lyrics, quotations, etc. used without permission. No infringement or disrespect to the various artisans is intended, so please don't sue me.
> 
> Feedback of course is always welcome!

**I. Julian**

_// Shape without form, shade without colour \\\_

I die a small death whenever he enters a room. I am blinded by his beauty, his almost courtly charm, his sinuous reptilian grace, his contagious smile. I've lain awake in bed countless nights just fantasizing about being with him. Touching him. Tasting him. Loving him. As my hand slips beneath the covers to touch myself, my mind is filled with the most delicious images of the two of us tangled in the sheets, limbs entwined, his obsidian hair falling down around his face like a glossy curtain.

In our short period of acquaintance I have learned so much from him. Learned about his people, their culture. And yet for all that time together it all still seems so… alien to me, I suppose. Maybe I’ll never fully understand. All I know is that he intrigues me like nothing and no one ever truly has. I yearn to know more, to know **HIM** more. But I’m afraid of never getting the chance. It’s likely because of how easily he reduces me to a stammering child when he draws me into yet another intellectual debate. There’s so much that he chooses not to share, so much that I can almost see beneath the surface, but he simply won’t **TELL** me. And far be it from me to be able to drag actual honesty from him.

He knows none of what I truly feel, of course. Our relationship thus far has been strictly one of platonic friendship. I honestly don't know how I'd react if by some miraculous turn of events he were to proposition me. No. That’s not true. I know exactly how I'd react. I'd die. After I fainted. I'd faint and then die. I just wish I had the strength to tell him how I feel. I feel so damned weak for not being able to act on my own desires. Sometimes I truly detest myself for not being able to just tell him.

Four simple words. Why is it so hard to speak them to his face? I don't think he'd ridicule me for it but I'm so afraid that he wouldn't feel the same way about me and I don’t think I could bear the humiliation. Better to love him from afar and keep this fantasy in my head of what could be rather than the reality that isn't. But I do wish I could actually say it.

"I love you, Garak."

**II. Elim**

_// Eyes I dare not meet in dreams \\\_

Unstoppable force meets undeniable ego. And what happens? The arrogant, self assured tailor loses his nerve. He does it on purpose. I know he does. It's how he operates. His primary goal seems to be to keep me off balance, keep me guessing. I don't exactly mind because it means this delightfully challenging game continues. But there's just something about how he stares at me, looking down his nose at me that makes me more aware than ever of our difference in station. Making quite certain I know my place.

That sanctimonious son of a... Why does he have to make things so complicated? All I want is to be somebody of consequence rather than simply a disgraced Cardassian whose presence on his station he's forced to endure. He's all I truly want and he's just about the only thing I cannot have. So typical, really. And aggravating. I'd love to get him off in a dark corridor and let the two of us go at it for several rounds. But I know I likely would not come out the winner. I do believe he is constitutionally incapable of fighting fairly. Perhaps he learned a little too well from his father. And don't even get me started on **THAT** bit of uncomfortable family history.

I'm already frustrated because I don't have him the way that I want him. I don't even care about his Bajoran mistresses that he doesn't exactly make a secret of. Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to make him not need them but that doesn't even matter to me so much. I’d like for him to prove that he can actually be faithful to someone for more than a few months at a time. He's always got his sights set on his next conquest from what I hear, even when he's actually **WITH** someone at the time. Such a wasted effort. If only he could see the potential here. Right in front of his smug face.

"Make me matter to you, Dukat."

**III. Skrain**

_// Form prayers to broken stone \\\_

A man can never have too many notches on his bedpost. I've always believed that. Most days I don't even care what the gender is. If I want someone, I eventually get them. And believe me, everyone pays in some way for that particular privilege. I really **AM** the gluttonous man everyone accuses me of being, though they have the good sense never to say it to my face. And do you know what's so wonderful about it? Seeing the rapture in each new conquest's eyes at finally getting the chance to be with the most sought-after man there is, the man who truly holds the ultimate position of power. Of course I know that many of them will never get the chance to experience it again. They must prove themselves to be very special indeed for me to invite them back for seconds.

And the last person I need to think about right now is that insufferable man. He's really the only one I've ever truly been intrigued by but never actually pursued. So bold, so daring, so brash. Daring to challenge me the first day we met, even if it was just through a viewscreen, attempting to school me on Cardassian social studies. Excuse me but I find that more than a little amusing. I'm supposed to be the one doing the educating. I'm the one who calls the shots, directs the action, and shapes the ultimate outcome.

He probably thinks it's all about proving himself worthy of my attention, that I may be seen as lording my status over him. I don't even give a damn about that. I'm not interested in him because of whatever position he may hold. It's the way I imagine he would be behind closed doors that intoxicates me and makes me look forward to spending time with him regardless of how trivial the subject matter. He's delightfully intelligent, he has the most amazing mouth, and he’s so uncomplicated and completely without artifice. It's just not fair.

"Would you care for some Tarkalean tea, Doctor?"

**IV. Hollow Men**

_We are the hollow men_  
_We are the stuffed men_  
_Leaning together_  
_Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!_

 _Our dried voices, when_  
_We whisper together_  
_Are quiet and meaningless_  
_As wind in dry grass_  
_Or rats' feet over broken glass_  
_In our dry cellar_

_This is the way the world ends  
Not with a bang but a whimper._


End file.
